A writer and an artist with controversial opinions, imagination and creativity

What Is Emotional Regression? And Why Some People Stay Stuck

 After years of observing the people in my life, lovers, dates, family members, co, coworkers, even friends, I’ve arrived at a new and unsettling realization. For the longest time, I labelled many of them as either narcissists or emotionally avoidant. But something didn’t fully add up. Not everyone fits neatly into those boxes. Through deeper reflection, reading, and inner work, I came to see a more nuanced truth: many of them were emotionally regressed.

Emotional regression, can exist on its own, or it can coexist with traits of narcissism and avoidance.


 


🎙️What Is Emotional Regression? And Why Some People Stay Stuck


There’s a pattern I’ve seen over and over, especially with people who feel emotionally close to me.

I’ll have a deep conversation with them. I’ll offer clarity, truth, perspective, sometimes even hard boundaries.

They nod. They agree.
They seem to understand.

But days later… it’s like the conversation never happened.
They go right back to their original ideas, beliefs, or behaviors, or worse, they come back repeating my words as if they were their own realization.

And when I say, “Didn’t I just tell you that a few days ago?”
They go silent.
Avoidant.
Like I didn’t exist in the moment they just took credit for.

That’s not forgetfulness.
That’s not humility.

That’s emotional regression, and ego, driven reprocessing.

 

🔍 What Is Emotional Regression?

Emotional regression is when an adult, under stress, discomfort, or emotional challenge, defaults to the mindset and emotional coping strategies of a younger, undeveloped self.

They might be in their 20s, 30s, 40s; but emotionally, they react like a teenager, a wounded child, or a version of themselves from years ago. Their system rejects truth that threatens the identity they've built to feel in control.

So they “reset.”
They go back to their fantasy, their self, narrative, their emotional comfort zone, because the truth you gave them required growth they weren’t ready to do.

 

🧠 Where Does It Come From?

It usually develops in people who:

  • Never learned to emotionally self, regulate.
  • Grew up rewarded for performance or obedience, not reflection.
  • Avoided personal accountability for too long.
  • Use emotional connection to escape, not to grow.

Instead of developing emotional tools like:

  • Boundaries
  • Reflection
  • Ownership
  • Real listening
  • Integration

…they survive using:

  • Fantasy
  • Projection
  • Deflection
  • Passive control
  • Identity play (“I’m just like you,” “We’re aligned,” “You’re my mirror”)

 

🔁 They Repeat My Words as Their Own

Here’s the kicker, and the most infuriating part:

They do hear you.
They absorb your truth.

But they can’t handle the fact that you were the source.
It threatens their self, image. It places you “above.” And their ego refuses to sit below anyone.

So what do they do?

They repurpose your words days later -phrased slightly differently- and present them as their own insight.
Their own awakening.

It’s not that they forgot.
It’s that they needed to erase you as the source so they could keep the wisdom without acknowledging the difference.

That’s not respect.
That’s emotional plagiarism.

 

🧨 Why Won’t They Acknowledge It?

Because acknowledging it would mean:

  • Admitting you’re ahead of them
  • Admitting you gave them something they couldn’t generate alone
  • Admitting they needed you more than they want to admit

So instead?
They pretend it never happened.
Or they go silent when confronted.
Because ego preservation > relational honesty.

They don’t want to receive from you.
They want to be you.
And when they can’t, they try to steal your reflection.

 

🧭 What Emotional Regression Looks Like

✔️ They nod when corrected… then reset days later.
✔️ They absorb your insight, then claim it as their own.
✔️ They can’t hold opposing truths, they need to feel equal to feel safe.
✔️ They respond to challenge with deflection, silence, or over, identification.
✔️ They emotionally loop, not evolve.

 

🎭 Are They Narcissists?

Not always. But many carry narcissistic traits, especially the covert, fragile type:

  • They project superiority while internally feeling small.
  • They perform “growth” but resist change.
  • They mimic the language of self, awareness but use it as social armor, not transformation.
  • They can’t stand seeing you grow beyond them, so they reframe your progress as shared, or stolen.

 

🪞Why Do They Stay Stuck?

Because real growth requires:

  • Taking responsibility.
  • Sitting in discomfort.
  • Letting go of emotional shortcuts.
  • Integrating someone else’s truth without making it yours.

They’re not incapable of growth.
They’re just not ready to lose their illusions to find themselves.

So they stay stuck in:

  • The past version of who they were.
  • Emotional roles that protect their self, worth.
  • Narratives that make them feel “next to” people they secretly envy.

And that envy? It shows up when they echo your voice but can’t credit you.

 

STANDING IN SUNLIGHT DOESN’T MAKE YOU THE SUN

 

🔚 Final Truth

If someone:

  • Keeps resetting your boundaries.
  • Absorbs your insight and repeats it as their own.
  • Cannot acknowledge your guidance without emotional collapse.

Then you’re not dealing with a friend or a lover. You’re dealing with someone trapped in a loop, who values the comfort of imagined sameness over the effort of real growth.

They’re not stupid.
They’re not cruel.
But they’re stuck.

And they didn’t fail to grow because they couldn’t.
They failed to grow because they wouldn’t.

So no, you’re not crazy for seeing it.
You’re not cruel for pulling back.
And you’re definitely not arrogant for protecting the temple of your becoming.

Let them echo you.
Let them pretend it’s theirs.
Let them recycle your light.

But never, ever let them stand beside you
If they needed to erase you just to feel equal.

 

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An Iraqi\Canadian Writer, Journalist, Artist Feminist & LGBTQ+ Activist. Lives in Toronto, ON

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